What women sometimes wait for

You know how you have “those” days? The alarm doesn’t need to go off on time because you’re awake—wide awake—at 3 a.m. You hit all the red lights no matter where you’re driving. You drop an opened bag of powdered sugar in your kitchen—not even sure why you were holding it in the first place.

Well, even those bad days can’t compare to the day you feel a lump in your breast, and know immediately something’s not right.

You console yourself with, “Well, that’s probably nothing, but I’ll get it checked out.” In the pit of your stomach, you know better. You call your doctor and tell the receptionist what you’ve found. She briskly makes an appointment for you in the next couple of days.

While playing the waiting game, you try to keep a stiff upper lip, not jumping to any conclusions. When you’re alone, your hand drifts to the lump. It’s still there.

The doctor does an examination and agrees with you. There’s something suspicious. You say, “But my mammogram was normal.” She nods and tells you mammograms don’t catch everything. They’re important, but not definitive. A needle biopsy is the only way to know exactly what is inside that lump.

A lot of needle biopsies are negative, and most lumps are fluid-filled cysts. Cancer isn’t dominant in your family gene pool. You tell yourself, “The odds are in my favor.”

The biopsy goes smoothly. Now, waiting again. The doctor will phone you with the results, but you have to wait all weekend. You remind yourself to never have tests done on Fridays. You try not to think about it. You think about it anyway.

By Monday afternoon, you’ve mentally had surgery, gone through chemotherapy and radiation. You’ve lost all your hair. Your husband couldn’t deal with it. You just know you’re not going to get to see your children graduate. Then, you talk yourself back into health. You follow this line of thinking several times, and each time it leads you to the same place: waiting.

The phone rings late that afternoon, and you hear your doctor say your name with a question mark. Yes, it’s me. She says, “I’ve got the biopsy results.”