Say ‘no’ to food shaming
During the holidays, our calendars quickly fill up with parties, where friends and family gather to celebrate the season over bountiful appetizers, turkey dinners, indulgent desserts and a few cocktails. It’s the perfect time to let loose and enjoy yourself.
However, there are people who can take the joy out of the celebration, as they can be quick to make others feel bad when they don’t eat the “right” foods. These people are known as food shamers.
At its mildest, food shaming is annoying. At its worst, food shaming can amount to bullying and cause real hurt.
“(Food shaming is) being judgy about what people are eating,” says Kathy Carey, a health coach with Chicago-based Engagement Health. “It’s making someone feel isolated. It’s really hurtful.”
Carey says she has noticed a rise in food shaming behavior in the past two years, and she partly blames it on social media, where we are bombarded with news of the latest food trends and bandwagons.
“Everyone identifies with a way of eating now. It’s like choosing your church,” she says.
Oftentimes, food shamers think they’re just being helpful. What they don’t realize is that their comments can do more harm than good.
Danielle Beeber, a writer from Brooklyn, says that her mother “waged an all-out campaign” for healthy eating and weight loss throughout her childhood. But Beeber says the negative comments and overly strict rules backfired.
By the time she was in her 20s, Beeber was 100 pounds overweight. It took a while, but Beeber has lost weight and feels good about herself, and has a positive relationship with her mom.
“I think it’s important to be aware (of what we say to others),” Beeber says.
Carey recalls being “caught” eating onion rings by a fellow health coach who said, “I can’t believe you’re eating those.” Others have tried giving Carey diet advice, saying she should cut out meat or gluten or any number of foods.
“I tell people I feel better when I eat all the foods,” she says.
Carey wants others, including those who are struggling with their weight or health, to feel OK about themselves, even if they occasionally indulge.
So, we should ask ourselves if we’ve joined our own food church, and are we proselytizing too much? If we know someone who is trying to lose weight, chastising them for taking a slice of pie on Thanksgiving is not the way to go.
“It’s a sensitive issue,” Carey says. “When you care about people you truly don’t want to hurt their feelings.”
No Shame In It
Encourage friends and family members to make healthy choices during the holiday season without coming across as judgmental and making them feel guilty. Kathy Carey offers up a few tips for promoting healthier eating, without the food shaming.
Scenario: It’s dessert time, and you notice people lining up and grabbing multiple slices of pumpkin, apple and pecan pie.
What to do: As you’re slicing up the pies, tell guests they are welcome to take home a slice. It may encourage people to moderate their intake and not have one of everything in a single sitting.
Scenario: You’re at a party with a close friend or family member who’s trying to stick to their diet.
What to do: Silently support your friend by making the healthy choices you know he should be making. By seeing you opt for a bowl of fruit rather than a plate of cookies, you might inspire him to do the same.
Scenario: You want your kids to have a healthy snack, and avoid the sugar rush.
What to do: Don’t say to children, “You can’t have Christmas cookies because they will make you fat.” Say, “Have some nice sweet apple slices because they have fiber and vitamins.”
