Live in the Now: Don't let the future get in the way of enjoying the present

Many people want to be more goal-oriented — setting sights on an objective and striving to achieve it. The shelves of bookstores, libraries and online dealers are filled with publications that claim to provide advice and inspiration for people who hope to become even more goal-oriented.

But is that a necessary formula for a life fulfilled?

Steve Bonham, a psychologist, writer and inveterate traveler from the United Kingdom, certainly does not believe it’s necessary.

In fact, he goes so far as to suggest goals can be dangerous because they have assumed such an enormous stature in our lives.

It is not only the goals we set for ourselves that can be dangerous, but also those imposed upon us by our modern society. He explains that people are socialized to be goal-oriented from their earliest years.

Whether it’s to get good grades in school, lower a golf handicap or achieve professional success, goals have become a standard way of measuring our lives. But because of our expectations from setting goals, they create a demand for individual omnipotence, Bonham claims.

“They assume that we have complete control over the context in which we strive to achieve them — and we never do,” Bonham says. “Goals can blind us to the bigger picture, the purpose of our lives; and the purpose of our lives is so much more than the drive to achieve significant things.”

While there are many books about setting goals, Bonham has written his own book offering an opposing view. “How to Survive and Thrive in an Impossible World” offers advice on facing the future with resilience, optimism and strength, but not through the setting of goals. Instead, he says people should be more aware of “the now.” Bonham says goal-setting can make individuals blind and unable to realize when it’s appropriate to abandon that goal in order to simply survive.

Bonham, who refers to himself as a “vagabond philosopher,” does not completely dismiss goals as unimportant. He admits having goals can provide focus and clarity and allow for people to become deliberate planners, but he stresses the inherent dangers of overly rigid goals. He says such rigidity can have negative impacts on health and happiness.

“There’s a richer way of being in the world,” he says. “The only moment we have is the one in front of us, and how we live in it is important. If we’re focused on the future or a narrow agenda, we will miss what’s going on around us, we’ll be caught by surprise.”

Not all goals are wrong or dangerous. Certainly there are things people hope to achieve personally and professionally, such as losing a certain amount of weight or seeking career advancements. What becomes dangerous is when goals are confused with purpose, Bonham says. Goals are fluid, not rigid. People must be able to adapt their goals to changing paradigms within their environment and lives, he says.

Bonham, an Englishman, points to America’s pioneer spirit.. He said early settlers had to be ready to adapt to changes at a moment’s notice in order to survive. That included letting go of some unnecessary things and learning new skills.

“We need that process of understanding what assumptions about the world no longer serve me and drop them,” Bonham says. “Like a wild animal, we need to pay attention to what is around us in order to understand what is an opportunity and what is a threat.”

Goals alone are not our purpose, he says. The purpose is to be more than ourselves, to live within the moment and revel in all around us. Bonham says we want to love and be loved, and also help others be better than they are.

“I like to talk about success as being able to fully ‘inhabit’ yourself, living within the unique and distinctive potential that is in you, as a companion, lover, artist, scientist, artisan, parent, joker, dreamer, adventurer, teacher, pupil, dreamer and magician — your whole self,” he says.

Bonham started writing his book during the pandemic. With global travel brought to a halt by the virus, Bonham says it was the first time he had remained in one place for longer than a month, in many years. Lockdowns experienced across the globe serve as a lesson about being able to adapt. Bonham says people were forced to let go of some goals, as they had to adjust to new boundaries created by social distancing, distance learning, remote work and a forced sense of togetherness for many families unused to remaining at home together, day after day.

In his book and his own life, Bonham draws on lessons learned from his extensive travels across the globe and research into different cultural traditions. He recalls a story told to him about a famer waiting for his crops to grow and be ready for the harvest. Once the farmer’s crops were planted, there was little he could do to hurry along the growth cycle. The farmer was unable to hasten the harvest, nor could he make it happen at a date and time of his choosing. He just had to be ready for it to happen. That, Bonham says, is a better approach to achieving happiness.

“In an uncertain world, the pursuit of success is about resilience, resourcefulness and readiness,” he says. “It is also about an openness to the unfolding ‘offer’ of the world. Over-focus equals narrow perception. I like to talk about ‘being wild,’ being able to bring wholehearted attention to what is going on around you. That helps us let go of the assumptions of the world.”

By simply being ready for challenges and opportunities, Bonham says people will begin to experience the world around them and see life in all of its beauty, as well as ugliness.

In “How to Survive and Thrive in an Impossible World,” Bonham offers five points, or signposts as he calls them, to adjust to a world not defined by goals.

First, he reminds people to be “wild.” Second, he says it’s never too late to try new things. He quipped that Harland Sanders, better known as Colonel Sanders, didn’t start Kentucky Fried Chicken until he was 60 years old.

Being brave leads Bonham into his third point. Don’t be afraid to innovate and be experimental. Like a jazz musician, let the music of life lead you, he says. He also recommends traveling life with people who will hold you accountable, not just those who affirm your beliefs.

Finally, Bonham says the signposts remind us to take that first step. Procrastination will be the death of people, he says.

“It’s an invitation to reinvent and renew your relationship with the world and feel more at home within it and the possibilities it offers you.”