Addressing the stressing: Tips for reacting to your teen's anxiety and other mental health matters

Teenagers have a long-held reputation for living on the emotional edge. And there is some truth to this, given the profound physical, mental, psychological and social development that is occurring during these formative years.

But if it seems teenage angst and anxiety are getting worse, it may be because they are. In 2019, more than one in three high school students had experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, a 40% increase since 2009, according to a Youth Risk Behavior Study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

It’s worth noting that this increase was before the pandemic. Johns Hopkins Bloomberg of Public Health points out that the disruption of school and peer interaction caused by the pandemic has contributed to even more stress than usual among some teens.

When it comes to teen anxiety, parents or other caregivers do not have to be passive observers. These people don’t have to be the problem-solvers that make everything okay, but there are ways they can be helpful.

“Parents or a trusted adult are so often the lifeline for the child,” says Chris Moody-Schulz, a licensed clinical social worker and certified yoga teacher.

Moody-Schulz has run her own private practice for 32 years and has 45 years of experience working as a youth mental health provider for runaway and troubled youth. She was a teenage parent herself and is now a grandmother of a teenager.

“There are so many sources for teen stress right now,” Moody-Schulz says. “For adults to successfully address teen anxiety they need to know where the stress is coming from, and they need to have an awareness of their own issues.”

Anxiety Origins

Teens today are feeling extreme pressure and anxiety at macro and micro levels, Moody-Schulz says. Angry and deep political divisions, school shootings, environmental issues and climate change are contributing to many teens believing their sense of future security is unreliable.

“Teens today are not seeing a clear path to resolution for their future,” Moody-Schulz says. “They have daily exposure to things like mass shootings, the violence that ensued with the election insurrection, ongoing extreme weather catastrophes and mass extinction. Teens do not feel safe when they go to school today.

“And, of course, there is the pandemic.”

Layered on top of macro-level anxiety are issues at the micro or personal level. Gossip, bullying and misinformation have long been a regular part of a teenager’s social network, likely since time immemorial. According to the CDC, depression is after anxiety the second-most common mental health diagnosis for youths 12-17 years old.

Social media is not helping. Moody-Shulz points out that social media amplifies sensitive issues, emotions and negative self-esteem. And now, because of the pandemic, access to face-to-face counseling is limited.

“I can tell you as a psychotherapist who has to use Zoom, it’s a very removed form of therapy,” she adds.

How to Respond

According to Moody-Schulz, understanding the sources of teen stress can help a parent or caregiver respect a teen’s concerns and determine a course of action. The first move is by far the most difficult.

“To be receptive to a teen, a person must be in a healthy space themselves,” Moody-Schulz says. “Pay attention to your own habits. Relationship issues and/or adult addictions like alcoholism, drugs, gambling and even (digital) screens can increase the stress in the home and prevent parents from being able to tune into a teen’s behavior and catch clues that indicate stress.”

In addition to self-awareness, Moody-Schulz offers several suggestions that can help an adult cope with a teenager.

• Listen to and understand without judgment. “Don’t assume you know the answer,” Moody-Schulz advises. “The teen may not even know what is going on. And above all, don’t try to fix it or be dismissive. Phrases like, ‘oh well, life goes on,’ ‘toughen up’ or ‘things happen for a reason’ are disrespectful and make people feel foolish for being upset or caring about an issue.”
• Be tender. Remember that a teen will share their concerns on their own timeline. It may take multiple conversations and patience.
• Make a favorite meal. “Food is a wonderful way into a conversation,” Moody-Schulz says. Consider making a treat, going to a restaurant or making a favorite dish.
• Don’t belittle their choices. A parent may envision sports glory, but their teen may be more interested in poetry or dance. “Just support what they are into,” Moody-Schulz says. “It’s not your hobby, it’s theirs. Nurture their path into healthy happiness.”
• Ask. This simple word applies to an array of scenarios. If a teen is struggling in one area and you have ideas, ask them if they think it would be helpful, then respect their answer. Whether it’s a failing grade or another personal struggle, help them explore alternatives and options. Seeking help from a tutor or counselor, journaling, yoga, spending time in nature, developing a healthy hobby and playing calming music are just a few options to ponder.

When Not to React

There are times when not reacting is the best choice. Regular teenage moodiness is one of those moments.

“What teen doesn’t get moody?” Moody-Schulz asks. “It’s normal.”

She points out that advice hinges on awareness. Depression, eating disorders and exposure to trauma are all reasons to act and seek professional help.

“With teens, your role is straightforward,” Moody-Schulz says. “Help them feel safe, listened to and unconditionally loved.”